After the first discussion with my Tutor and reflection on my artistic practices, I realized that I am moving from the external to the internal.
I move from the external forces that influence us (Brian Massumi's affect theory, my essay for the “Fine Art 3: Research” course) to how we hear and respond internally (intuition, unconscious reflection) - I was analysing my methods and materials and saw the further path of Artistic Research. This step compares my practice with the study of the relationship between external forces and internal, pre-linguistic reactions - a dialogue between the world and oneself. In order to understand how to move forward I need structure and analysis. Next, I will try to connect my ideas and formulate questions for my artistic research.
The Relationship of External Affect and Internal Gut Feeling
1. From Affect to Intuition:
· Brian Massumi’s Affect emphasizes the external—how forces and environments shape our emotions and bodies before we consciously process them. My work with newspapers and the media has touched on this idea, emphasizing the power of propaganda or external systems to influence perception.
· Now I want to look inward: what happens when these external forces are “heard” within us?
· This leads to a focus on pre-linguistic reflection - how the body and unconscious absorb, filter, and interpret external forces in ways we cannot fully express.
2. Unconscious Reflection:
· Gut feelings are not only reactions, but also interpretations of external signals. They reside in the space between instinct and reason to evoke a more embodied understanding.
· For example, my energetic brushstrokes and scratches on wood symbolize this process: a raw, instinctive response to something external that I “feel” rather than “know.”
These actions arose completely unconsciously. Just like the black colour, when working with newspapers, it wanted to go outside. And here, too, something is scratching in my chest and demands an outlet. I know what it is. It's an unresolved situation with my parents and their support for the war. I can't accept it and it constantly bothers me.
I remember that when consulting with a psychologist, he always asked in which part of the body this or that feeling... I need to check this information and see how feelings and our body are connected.
The book The Body Keeps the Score (Bessel van der Kolk), which I used in preparation for the previous essay, emphasizes that traumatic experiences are stored in the body. Trauma symptoms often manifest physically, even when the person is not aware of them.
Example: A person with unresolved trauma may feel discomfort in the stomach when discussing a certain relationship. And the body "remembers" even when the mind tries to suppress painful memories.
Perhaps this is the answer. My unresolved conflicts are trying to leave my body, just as I once discovered synesthesia in myself.
3. Embodiment and Materiality:
· Materials like plywood, trash, or newspapers are not just tools; they are collaborators. They carry an external history (mass production, decay, human labour) that resonates with my internal responses.
· How do these materials reflect my unconscious processing? Are they metaphors for how the body contains and reflects external worlds?
I thought about the fact that "gut feeling" is the gut. In the gut, digestion and reprocessing of everything external that enters our body occurs. This is what my sketches look like when made with the help of artificial intelligence.
Here I think it is completely logical that the materials are paper, wood, cardboard for recycling - for digestion.
At the same time, I began experimenting with polymer clay, from which I modelled something similar to intestines.
But to avoid it looking too off-putting to the viewer, I used a radically kitschy, eye-catching colour - a sharp contrast to my recycled building materials.
In addition, the construction foam looks exactly like gut.
I began to think about what research questions would help me move forward – I just brain storming:
1. How does art materialize pre-linguistic responses (intuition)?
2. How can my works embody feelings that exist before thought or language – through texture, form or process?
3. Can viewers experience my artworks as their own intuitive feelings, rather than as intellectual interpretations?
4. What is the relationship between external affect and internal intuition?
5. How do external forces (media, propaganda, environment) interact with our internal unconscious to create visceral responses?
6. Can my practice explore this moment of translation – the shift from external affect to internal intuitive feelings?
7. How do materials carry their own intuitive presence?
8. If intuition is not only human but also embedded in materials, how do the plywood, trash or newspapers reflect or challenge this?
It seems to me that it is necessary to note here that the materials with which I am working now partially reflect the current context in themselves, and partially are my reflections from childhood. For example, building materials here in Germany are extremely common. There is a cult here - do it yourself. And there are many building markets at every step. This is the hidden intuition of the material and its history.
9. Can I articulate my materials as an “intuition” of the environment – capturing decay, stability, or transformation?
My works from newspapers also did not appear by chance. Here in Germany they read newspapers. That is why at the decisive moment I had a lot of old newspapers. In Moscow, for example, this would not have happened, there is a completely different attitude to collecting information.
10.What is the sensory and emotional experience of pre-linguistic art?
How can my work evoke a response that bypasses rational thought by speaking directly to the body and emotions?
What role do texture, scale, and colour play in triggering unconscious reflections in my audience?
What does the unconscious sound like visually?
If an inner feeling is like a colour or shape, how can my work visualize that inner state? Can scratches, marks, and textures reflect the intangible nature of intuition?
Potential Artistic Experiments and Tests:
1. Try using scale, light and texture to evoke a visceral response. To do this I would need to analyse my installation "Temporal Permanence"
2. Create contrasts between rough, heavy materials (external forces) and lighter, more ephemeral elements (internal feelings).
3. Explore materials that physically react to external forces - analyse "Temporal Permanence"
4. Use layers in the works to symbolise the push and pull between the external and internal. For example: Scratched wood could represent external forces "engraved" into the unconscious, and energetic brush strokes could symbolise the internal state of these forces.
5. Explore the idea of what cannot be said. How do my works express what is deeply felt but never verbalised?
Experimenting with Processes
• I need to work intuitively as I create: responding spontaneously to materials as if they are affecting me.
• I need to reflect on how my synaesthesia is connected to the process - how does a colour, sound, texture or gesture resonate emotionally or visually?
• I need to focus on questions as I work:
1. How do newspapers and other materials carry an external story and affect unconscious emotions?
2. How do intuitive, unconscious responses manifest in physical marks and gestures?
3. How might materiality represent a negotiation of translation between external narratives and internal reflections?
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