Overall, I must say that after receiving this feedback, I was somehow lost for a long time. But don't get me wrong, it was good and profound feedback. The criticism I received revealed long-standing internal questions of mine. And it took me time to accept and rethink it.
The main stumbling points were the following:
“…There is a slight problem in relation to ecology and environmental issues with the work. Using recycled paper is ok however I am not sure about your spray paints. It would be good to read more around the materials you use here and I am wondering in reference to your video whether you know the work of Wolfgang Laib …” (OCA Tutor)
The environmental issue became questionable after my in-depth analysis for the ‘Painting 2’ course of my materials, which you can read here - https://www.marinawittemann.com/post/1-2-eco-friendly-materials-and-ecology-of-mind But it seemed to me that the desire to think environmentally is much more important than using a can of paint. I thought that the mainstream work on using recycled materials was enough for working in the right direction. Of course, I am familiar with the work of Wolfgang Laid, but this approach is simply not touch me. After realizing this, it became clear to me that something else motivates me to create art, but what it is exactly this remains a question.
“ It will be important to start to think about what is at the centre of your practice more as you move through this level of study. Ask yourself what it is you wish to speak of in the work to give it clarity, form and meaning going forward.” (OCA Tutor)
Once upon a time, I thought I had found myself. This happened 11 years ago when I quit my job and started studying art. But it turned out to be not enough to radically change life at the age of 29; then I had to understand exactly how this should manifest itself. It turned out that I had to find myself in art, my way of work, my style, my subjects. Then in 2021, through artwork, I learned that I have synesthesia. And again, it was bliss and euphoria about another solved problem. And then again it seemed to me that it was still clear - I have an emotion, I see it through the sensation of colour and shape in the body, this is my inspiration and a key aspect. And now it turns out that I need to look for me again?!
Looks like the problems began at the moment when ecology turned out to be not quite ecology in my practice, and then there was a shock from the fact that my closest people turned out to be supporters of violence.
“There are many other theories around reflective learning such as the work of Sue Atkins and Kathy Murphy that speak away from the more hard edged approach reflective practice. ... Deleuze and Guattari around Rhizomatic thinking” (OCA Tutor)
I will review the proposed theories.
“Exercise 4.1 Your initial work plan needs more work as the work you have done for this doesn’t really speak to ongoing research, visits, experimentation, focussed making.” (OCA Tutor)
I suppose this is due to the fact that at that time the plan was drawn up, it was not clear how and where to move. I hope that in the current part of the course, I will be able to finalize the plan and make it a working tool.
“At the moment you are trying to bridge the gap between your more commercial work and the work that speaks to you.” (OCA Tutor)
Is selling works of art bad, or does it indicate the low quality of the artist, or does being commercial mean not creating «high» art? I have already repeatedly faced ambiguous statements that "I do not sell, I am exposed" or "I do not sell, I am doing research" ...
Firstly, the question, where to get money for existence? If I do not sell art, what should I do - wash the floor or work as a waiter? I do not understand such a contemptuous attitude towards artists trying to earn money for what they can do.
Secondly, of course, it is necessary to distinguish between commercial art and art for the sake of art. If the consumer’s demand begins to dictate to the artist what to do - art ceases to develop. Thirdly, according to my little experience, a commercial aspect is somehow just necessary for every artist. And this process does not happen, unexpectedly, but occurs gradually according to a means of great work. If the art is not shown, then your life will simply go unnoticed. Yes, perhaps the artist will live a happy life, but then we will not know anything about him, which means that this experience simply will not be. Therefore, I see nothing bad or wrong in finding a balance between commercial and “high art”.
“Try if you can to think more closely about the relationships you have with conflict/catharsis.” (OCA Tutor)
Yes. This is what I come to more and more. Destruction and unexpected loss/change.
“I am wondering if you use any other processes such as drawing? There is a close connection to the destruction and deconstruction of materials through paint, stitch and so on.” (OCA Tutor)
I don't know why, I don't like it - draw on paper. The concept of the drawing itself (even the word drawing) sounds unpleasant. It's shushing in my ears. If I need to look for another form of expression, I will try to work from the denial of this process.
“Rupture and rapture feels at the centre of what it is you are wrestling with both in personal and collective terms. ” (OCA Tutor)
Maybe I do not understand the translation of the word "rapture", but I can only say that the war and moral loss of the mother is physical pain.
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