I compare myself to the person (artist) I was almost a year ago.
Looking back at my initial ideas, I began by expressing myself with the interest in refining the focus of my research, particularly in connecting propaganda and digital culture while emphasising the importance of finding truth and balance. As my course progressed, I delved into discussing synaesthesia, affect theory, and the idea of challenging established norms through my artwork.
My actual route has deviated from the planned path in a few ways. Initially, I was focused on refining my research focus, but my practice and thinking led to a deeper exploration of various theories and concepts, such as affect theory and the role of art in challenging societal norms. This deviation allowed for a richer understanding of the complexities involved in my artistic practice.
Intuition played a significant role in guiding my discoveries, as I unlisted personal insights and reflected on my practice. It's a journey of self-discovery, a reflection of my experiences and emotions, and a way to make sense of the world around me. I realised that I’m not interested in fitting into someone else's idea of what art should be or following the old-fashioned rules. Instead, I'm exploring my own unique perspective and pushing the boundaries of traditional norms and rules.
My sculptures are not just random assemblages of materials; they're deeply personal expressions of my childhood memories, cultural influences, and emotional experiences. The seemingly haphazard (Russian «tyap-lyap») manner in which I create them is a deliberate reflection of the chaotic nature of life itself, and the constant struggle to find meaning and beauty amidst the chaos.
And more than that, I stopped “pushing ideas” onto my art and accepted it for what it is. Because I know that the answer to all questions is inherent in us in advance - we just need to formulate the right question. My fellow students at the institute helped me. They clearly and sharply said that my art is an emotion, intense and truthful. They pointed to the fact that my art communicates at the level of feelings, provoking sensations in the viewer’s body from materials that are drawn from past experiences. In this way, I provoke already familiar sensations, but transfer them to a different context.
This incredible point of view correlates with my experience of synaesthesia, when unconsciously, simultaneously with, for example, taste, a sense of colour occurs in my body. This is how affect theory describes external forces that cause our unconscious reactions in the body. This approach helped me understand that my art is caused and made on an intuitive level. Therefore, its task is communication at the level not of thoughts and thinking, but of feelings and sensations.
Therefore, everything related to precision, planning and systems confuses me and is difficult, particularly to structure my research framework and discuss potential research questions. But numerous diagrams and charts eventually helped me focus on the main thing.
Chance and risk were evident in the exploration of new ideas and concepts. I started by destroying more than 15 works.
Whether it was a chance or a risk, and both, but first of all it was emotions. Or rather, that feeling when something is wrong with these works, it's just a feeling, without thinking or understanding. Intuition, as always in my work, is the main thing that influences my creative process. After the destruction, the next step appeared - a large amount of paper with which it was possible to work further - upcycling.
And so on... The process itself led me through, recycling paper, using it and experimenting with text. And now I think that I need to take a more global approach to this process and upcycle this material in big masse, and not so subtly and in detail. I must note that the newly created paper attracts me with its texture. I want to work with it, draw, write on it - communicate, not like with ordinary paper.
In addition, I experimented with chrome plating. This is a professional coating of my sculptures with glitter pop-colours. I will describe all the experiments in a separate post. It was a test without understanding what would happen. But I took the risk and the result seemed promising.
Here you would ask me what motivates me to experiment - my answer, is coincidence, feelings, random acquaintances with people, and it was not a test of existing theories. This was also what prompted my subsequent experiments with photography, collaborating with an artist, applying for a boxed collage competition, and so on.
My approach to creative work and, in general, to everything that happens in my life is listening to intuition and my body, and interacting (working) with the world around me and people. This approach I can compare with new discoveries about evolution theory. Lynn Margulis was a renowned American biologist who was famous for her groundbreaking work in the field of evolutionary biology, particularly for her theory of symbiogenesis. Margulis's theory offered a more holistic perspective on evolution, emphasising the interconnectedness of life on Earth. Rather than viewing organisms as isolated entities, she highlighted the dynamic interactions and exchanges that occur between different species. This challenged reductionist approaches to evolution that focus solely on genetic mutations and individual selection pressures, instead emphasising the importance of ecological relationships and systems-level interactions. SCIENCE Lynn Margulis: Science's Unruly Earth Mother 19 Apr 1991 Vol 252, Issue 5004 pp. 378-381 [online] At: https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.252.5004.378 (Accessed 16.05.2023)
In other words, the change of a thing does not occur from within, not as it was previously thought that the fittest gene or organism would survive and be modified.
So I, feeling my inner needs and aspirations, not knowing what synaesthesia is, have always been focused on colour and emotions in my works. This kind of listening to myself allowed me to get to know myself better. Then, intuitively, I began to work with wooden objects that, as it turns out, connect my childhood and today's trauma. My constant development and innovation has always been driven by a balance between my inner world of intuition and external factors.
On the other hand, this approach can be correlated with affect theory. In which, you don’t seem to know with your mind that something is happening, but your body reacts unconsciously, and only then you understand and become aware of the result. My works are the result of such an unconscious impression, which I can only reflect on after they are finished
Research and labour were crucial elements in developing my thinking around my artwork. Through theoretical discussion, I was able to draw on existing theories and literature to inform my practice and refine my research question.
Without the theory of affect, the ideas of Deleuze about difference, and the theory of construction and deconstruction, ideas of propaganda and methods of challenging norms I would not come to the understanding and isolation of my interests and motivations. Which is now - In what ways can I challenge established norms and perceptions through my artworks to disrupt complacency and inspire transformative action on a visceral level?
Additionally, my dedication to my artistic practice, as evidenced by my experimentation with unconventional materials and methods, reflects the labour and commitment involved in my creative process.
To sum up, the most valuable experience for me so far has likely been the opportunity to reflect deeply on my artistic practice and engage in a dialogue about its theoretical underpinnings. This process has allowed me to gain clarity on my motivations, refine my research focus, and articulate my artistic vision more effectively.
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